Between Bullet Bending and Identity Search

Humm… ini… rada-rada basi… soalnya filmna dah keluar lama, around 2 weeks ago or so, but I just got the chance around now. So, what can I do lah. And it’s not the first time I watch a movie without looking at the synopsis (Yeah, I like reading the synopsis… I like being tempted with the namelist or storyline). And yeah, it’s all happen when I watch wanted. Yeah, actually I already see the whole plot twist like… err… almost half of the movie, but I keep my suspicions for myself, cause no one…. as I said… no one… would like to spoil any surprises like that ^_^

Actually, as I watch the movie. I didn’t think a single bit about the bullet xD yeah, to be honest, I was more focused on how the main character (Wesley Gibson, played by James McAvoy) is searching for ‘who he is’. Yeah, kinda remind me to my fave Ayanami Rei’s monologue on Evangelion episode 13.

Anata wa dare? Anata wa atashi
Who are you? You are me…
Atashi wa dare? Atashi wa jibun
Who am I? I am myself…

The process of self-searching isn’t easy. Well, it’s somewhat like a general truth as in “nothing is easy in this world” *laughs*. But yeah… currently I’m interested with the idea of self-searching, maybe because we (just as other people, CAN’T GET ENOUGH and WON’T REACH A POINT OF SATISFACTION) will never stop the process of ‘self-searching’. Humm… no idea, don’t ask me why, just admit it xD

Previously, I’ve just read a manga (it’s an ongoing series anyway). Hourou Musuko scanlated by Kotonoha, one of my favourite groups. The story is about a pretty boy, yes… a bishonen (in literal sense), he just transfered to a new school and quickly befriend a tomboy girl, who sat right next to him. In plain sense, there’s nothing wrong, I mean… what can be dangerous or ‘misleading’ from a simple friendship of a fourth grader. But well, he likes to wear girl dresses, and she likes to wear boys’s. At first I see that as a strong curiosity urge, I mean… they’re on 4th grade. And about to enter puberty, where the real whole world started, periods, wet dreams, anything starts in puberty (and yeah, I’m still in my puberty, so please be nice with me :p). I believe many people still remember (and most probably cherish and savour) those emotions. All the turmoil inside, the first crush, how your heart skipped a beat whenever that special one is around, and how you’re trying to cover it up without looking childish and awkward.

And yeah, somehow, that’s what happened to them. The awkwardness when you realize that your hobby isn’t well accepted by the society, how your friends marginalized you thanks to your odd behaviours. Being a tomboy might be not a big deal, the worst thing a tomboy girl can get is being called as ‘rude’ or ‘you’re not a girl’ but for a boy… who likes to wear a girl dress, especially if you’re a pretty one. Those times is the most difficult moment. No boys will befriend you, instead, they’d mock you and start to call you as sissy or anything similar. Anyhow, for both sides, it’s not an easy matter. Until one day, when they’re doing “the exchange” (they exchanged their clothes and pretending to be the opposite gender every Sunday), they met a trans-gender, a beautiful one. From here on, they started to wonder and question about who they are and what they wanted from their life.
Still, the day passes as the wind, so quick and swift, and sometimes unnoticeable. A quick yet ‘well-cooked’ decision is necessary. I mean, whatever you decide on your puberty will decide how you’ll be in the future, no faking it. Any decision, will affecting your further thought and steps.

The same goes with Wesley Gibson in Wanted. At first, he thought he’s just living a shitty life and has no way out, just like any other ORDINARY PEOPLE. But then, his whole life changed when someone told him that his father was the greatest assassin, and he has the ability to be one as well. Harsh trainings, breath-taking acts, he has to endured it all to be as good as his father. He has decided to swim.

It’s always either sink or swim. No matter whether you like it or not, the most important is your purpose on living. That’s what I learned from both Hourou Musuko and Wanted. Don’t let your life burden you. Living a life is already a bitch, don’t add more troubles into it just because you want to have a “roller-coaster-like” experience.

Well, I admit that I’ve made some foolish and so childlike steps back then, and there’s no way to undo it since I don’t have the remote control to press rewind, or a simple ctrl+z to help me. Nope nope, we have to move on and continue living. Again, it’s either sink or swim. And I have decided to swim, no matter how dangerous the stream is. I have decided to swim.
Hahaha… for some people, maybe what I’m speaking is no way near my current state. Yeha, that’s true. Currently, I’m “hiding” and “running away” from some problems, pretending to look like as if Im atoning my sins, but in fact, I just added more to the stacks xD Nah, not like that. But yeah, some times alone and on my own, surely helps me clear out my mind and think more logically on perceiving my current situation.

Yosha! Ganbatte me! xD
Anyway, if you find this too long, don’t worry… your eyes aren’t fooled you, it is that long. Around 1000 words or so :p (I have no idea if I should be happy or worry or maybe even guilty considering the fact that hardly someone can post 1000 words blog)

Ps: I’ve had takoyaki today! Yatta! A craving is fulfilled! Mission accomplised! \(^o^)/

Song Mood: Radiohead – Creep; Radiohead – Fake Plastic Tree; Coldplay – Trouble.

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