Recently, sebel ga karuan sama R*****, yeah… that’s the name of my boyfriend (most people dislike the term lover, I simply want to say ‘well… he’s my special one’ but hey…. he’s not that special to me xD. Okay, okay… he IS special, but not THAT special for me to go head over heels for him. Anyway, well… I got mad at him for foolish reason. It’s because I think that he’s kinda fading away slowly from me. It’s not that I don’t understand or even don’t want to understand about his real life, but well… I even spare some time for him, at least say something, even if it’s just a simple “<3 you” or something even more stupid than that.
Well, it’s a foolish reason, I know… still, somehow I hate to type “o/” to him, I hate to feel something gurgling inside me when I said “oyasumi” (since we talked mostly when he’s about to go sleep, sides, he’s also still sick at the moment (get well soon dear <3) so.. *shrugs*) , I hate it when he gave the D: kind of face when he said “have to sleep now D:”. To be honest, I hate the fact that he needs lotsa sleep while I want to keep him by my side and talk.
Once, someone asked me if I already fall for him, I just shrugged and said I have no idea, maybe I am in love with him, maybe I’m not, maybe I do really missed talking with him, or maybe I just feel obliged to return his affection. Anything can happen, and yeah… anything can be between us.
Later on, that same person mentioned the taboo word for me ‘difference’. Me and R***** have many many many many many differences. I mean, even the world’s most perfect couple also have differences. But well, yeah, me and him have maybe a bit too much than what normal or other people can handle (but hey, again… we’re not normal! xD). It’s more than just family background and such and such and such (I won’t mention or talk about our difference in faith, and many other personal things). But it’s like I want A but he wants B or even worse, I want Z while he wants D *shrugs* I won’t disturb him by such petty things like that, we’ve decided that we’re going to take this relationship slowly and at our own pace. We’re not forcing anyone to stay next to each other (even though, staying next to the one you care the most is really good) for 24/7. Everybody has their own life to live on. No matter how much he cared about me and vice versa, he can’t and also won’t force me to do something for his sake (well… he forced me a bit though, but it’s not really a force since I also think almost the same.)
Sometimes, when I think about it, I found this relationship as a weird one, we started with lust, but then we got tangled with (real)affection, trust, and anything else that form a real relationship. Yeah, compromise is included as well xD.
For now, if someone asked me what do I really want in this life, for the time being, I’d say I want to be by his side, snuggling him, hugs him, I don’t mind if he passed me his sickness, I simply want to be next to him.
Song Mood: Black Eyed Peas feat Macy Gray – Request Line; Wannadies – You and Me Song.
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The -not so- Free Will 
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